Rituals for self-care #15
The yin and yang of compassion, nurturing touch and oxytocin boosters. Rituals to tend to the self with fierce protection and tenderness this month.
Hello dear reader. If you’re new here, I’m Emma - a trauma-informed, therapeutic yoga teacher and somatic practitioner. Each month I share practices and self-care tips to nurture and nourish your body, mind and heart. I open with a personal reflection and insight on the theme for the month. Subscribe for these posts, as well as monthly meditations and live gatherings.
Here’s this month’s quiet-time in a nutshell:
The yin and yang of compassion
Loving kindness of touch
Congestion-clearing brews
Oxytocin boosters
The yin and yang of compassion
The teacher who led my yoga training ended each day with an adapted metta meditation. We’d recite together “may all be happy, may all be healthy, may all enjoy their life” - warm fuzzies all round. But then he invited us to turn the same meditative intention towards ourselves: “may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I enjoy my life.” The common experience for our group of yogis was discomfort - more familiar as an internal voice, it seemed, were words of criticism and judgement.
I’ve heard this voice of the inner critic described as both ‘the attacker and the attacked’. A defense system to protect us from a threat - say, a threat of rejection or disappointment or failure - in this case, the threat is internal, an emotional threat. But, just like the primal reaction to a physical threat of danger, the response to internal threat also creates a state of stress in body and mind. When it’s a habitual pattern, it creates a state of chronic stress.
Just as threat prompts the reptilian brain, compassion is linked with the mammalian system of attachment, empathy and emotion. Tools to create a sense of compassion, like in metta meditation, can help to soothe and soften reaction to perceived threat and, much like the effect of cradling a baby, create a sense of safety and security, releasing happy hormones into the system. As a practice, self-compassion has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety, improve self-esteem, improve heart-rate variability and increase motivation.
Researcher Kristin Neff calls it “fierce self-compassion” in its yang aspect - to protect, to provide and to motivate. It’s a bit ‘mama bear’ - knowing when to say no and set boundaries, attuning to and attending to needs, encouraging growth and stretch. It also has its yin side - the tender, nurturing mother, soft and soothing. Both aspects, in balance, are the intention.
Nurturing touch activates this compassionate care system. I love to weave in self-care practices of touch into my community classes as an act of mindful self-soothing. Our body responds to the physical gesture of care whether it’s yourself or a loving other offering it.
The prompt this month is to invite self-compassion. It might be tender, using supportive touch or words of loving kindness towards yourself, considering how you might speak to a dear friend. Or it may be fierce compassion - an external act of loving kindness.
I’m sharing some practices below for you to act with self-compassion this month. I’d love to hear what you find most challenging or beneficial when it comes to tending to yourself with compassion.
Emma x
This month you’ll find me…
Practising this:
Loving kindness of touch
To embody both the yin and yang of self compassion - the tender and the fierceness - you can try this practice combining touch and mantra. Sitting in any comfortable position, make a fist with one hand and place it over your heart space - this hand represents fierce compassion, protecting and providing. Then place the other hand over the top of the fist, cupping it softly. This hand represents the softness of tender compassion, comforting and soothing. The touch of both hands in balance cultivating this sense of compassionate wholeness.
You may then like to add in the mantra of metta meditation and explore how this feels:
May I be loved
May I be safe
May I be happy
May I know peace
Using this essential oil:
Clary Sage
Part of the mint family, clary sage is thought to reduce cortisol and increase oxytocin levels - moving to that compassionate space of a regulated nervous system. A study of menopausal women found that it has ‘anti-depressent like’ effects, lowering cortisol levels by 36%. It’s also said to balance hormone levels naturally, including regulating oestrogen levels.
You can read more on the uses, benefits and precautions of Clary Sage oil HERE.
Trying this:
London Fog
For a bit of a change from my usual latte, I’ll be trying London Fog which is a tea-based latte using earl grey tea, vanilla and steamed milk - the ‘fog’ is the frothed milk. As a good quality earl grey contains bergamot, it has uplifting properties to boost mood, stimulate digestion and - great for this kapha season - can help to clear congestion. I found a recipe HERE
Recent favourites:
Enjoying:
Embodied Metta
If you’d like to try a metta meditation, here’s a guided embodied practice with Tara Brach.
Reading:
If you’re interested in the concept of self-compassion, this interview with researcher Kristen Neff via
is a great read.“In the closing chapter of my book I write about ‘the compassionate mess’ – how, instead of trying to get it all together and do everything right in order to have self-worth, it’s about trying to be compassionate to whatever mess you are.”
Kristin Neff
Listening to:
The soothing sounds of Chantress Seba HERE
Diary dates:
Sunday Rest & Restore: This month’s class theme is find the pause. This soothing yin yoga and mindfulness practice will be live here on Sunday 21st Aoril, 9-10am (GMT). We will explore 'the pause' through the breath and mindfulness, alongside a whole body sequence. Expect fascial release for the joints to unwind tension and nourish the deeper layers of the body.
Yoga Nidra for self compassion and acceptance: A deeply restful guided meditation, this yoga nidra (yogic sleep) recording will be available on 28th April.