Ditching Elaborate Morning Routines For Simple, Intentional Practices
A feminine framework for overwhelmed women.
I feel like I’ve tried - yet not stuck at - many morning routines.
Let me make it clear, I’m not really a morning person. My ideal is - or was - to ease into the day with calm, to enjoy a gentle quiet before the noise and tempo of the day amplify. My attempts at starting the day with routine and ritual have been more of a want - no, a need - to claim a bit more me in my day than some “own the day, bro” mentality.
As a mostly solo parent, once the day begins it’s unpredictable and easily filled with stuff to be done. Maybe you can relate? Care for the people you love, work hard, do your best, feel guilty about wanting to do better. Rinse. Repeat. The emotional double-bind of the “have it all” generation.
But, there’s something to be said for, as the saying goes, starting the day on the right foot. I’m not here to dazzle you with some quick-fix, clickbait solution to change your life. But, instead, I’ll share:
Why the benefits are there for the taking at any time of day you choose and why morning is the default.
How to give a morning routine a softer, feminine energy (especially for burnout).
The freedom of a simple framework for self-care (morning, noon or night).
How to reclaim the routine as a ‘moment’.
How to adapt the framework to how you feel right now.
So, basics first: why is a morning routine important?
Many of the morning routines I’ve tried (which I’ll summarise in a moment) ended up feeling like another thing to do. But, when they felt good, they felt really good and made a huge difference to my overall wellbeing.
So, why bother? There’s ample evidence to champion a purposeful start to the day.
Being more energetic in the morning is linked to better proactivity and productivity, it can improve mental sharpness and lowers stress levels. Your quota of energy and willpower is spent on your priorities first. Or, to put it another way, the early bird catches the worm.
Simply having a routine has been shown to be beneficial to improving overall lifestyle.
I’m happy to be corrected but nowhere in these studies did I see that a routine has to be done at a certain hour of the day (although some eastern traditions have a view on this). The benefits to be had come from setting a tone for the day, no matter what time you rise.
But there lies the problem. If, like me, you have a busy home and family life, it takes rising early (earlier than the little people of the household) to get that ‘clear space’.
Without that me time, I don’t know about you, but it feels like the days can pass in a blur of things to be done and, before you know it, you feel frazzled and fed up.
I’ve explored how other people do it. Such as: Laura Vanderkam’s What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast; Robin Sharma’s 5am Club; Hal Elrod’s The Miracle Morning. I’ve dipped in and out of Tony Robbin’s morning ‘priming’, tried programmes on Daily Om, Alo Yoga, Asana Rebel and Insight Timer. I’ve added in eastern wisdom with elements of Ayurvedic ‘dinacharya’. I’ve still got the apps (Couch to 5K, Strides), the journals (The Artist’s Way, #BuJo, TUT) and I make my bed. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
So, why haven’t they stuck?
Partly, due to my admittedly poor discipline (which is a constant work in progress) but, also:
Overwhelm: Trying to do it all leaves me in analysis paralysis. Exercise, meditation, visualisation, breathwork, journal, deep work, cleanse - oh my. Just way too much to do in the name of self-care in, what is often, snatches of time.
Interruption: Consistency is a challenge for me anyway so it doesn’t take much for me to be derailed by a poor night’s sleep / fellow early risers joining me / a large wine the night before / a change to routine for whatever reason.
Unrealistic expectations: Trying to fit someone else’s lifestyle into my own. Many of the practices I’ve tried may be effective for someone in a different set of circumstances: gender, age, responsibility, season of life.
Rebellion: Morning routines often feel tied up with consumption culture. There’s sometimes a performative feel to routines on social media that come with a shopping list of must-have athleisure wear, yoga mat and sage, all casually captured in the instagram-ready setting, accompanied by cacao or water in a designer bottle. Adding bells and whistles to a routine feels like yet more to consume when we’re already bloated on consumerism.
Self-sabotage: I’m a ‘completer finisher’ type so I have a tendency to go through the motions to get things done, defeating the object of a supposedly nourishing act of self-care.
A note on feminine energy and burnout.
Most of the routines I mention above have a masculine energy - the yang energy of structure, discipline, dynamism and high-energy. In this way, it can feel like the morning routine becomes an output, feeding into a cultural obsession of being constantly productive, where self-worth is derived from doing and achieving.
The thing is, our modern life is built this way. I’d wager most of your day reflects this go-getting, masculine energy as that’s considered the norm, even a badge of honour. The sunshine-like masculine energy is great for getting things done, for action, but it also needs to be kept in check. Without balance, it becomes a life lived in a state of chronic stress.
The morning is not created equal. For someone in an ambitious season of life then, yes, a productive morning may be the right choice. But, if you’re already in a state of high stress, tension and overwhelm, I question whether beginning the day with an exercise-induced cortisol spike and immediately ‘eating the frog’ of your most important work really is the most beneficial when you take a whole-person view.
How might it feel to start the day by soothing and nurturing the frazzled nervous system that works so hard to keep you safe? Imagine creating an in-built sense of safety with grounding, a slow, easy breath and space for your intuition and creativity. A start to the day that prioritises cultivating calm first and builds the resources to go-get-’em during the rest of the day.
Now I know more about the nervous system (through training in Polyvagal-Informed Somatic Therapy), I recognise that my need to be doing at all times was further narrowing my ‘window of tolerance’ and was a survival strategy of my nervous system. Living in a near-constant stress / collapse cycle was burning me out.
What was needed was nourishment and nurturing. Space to be. Ease, intuition, feeling, flow, stillness. Quiet. Notice if, like me, reading that you notice the tendency to dismiss this as ‘wishy washy’ and a waste of time. If so, take note.
Resistance aside, here’s what feels true: I crave more of that feminine energy in my day. Do you?
A simple framework for daily self-care.
Friends, let me introduce you to a model from ancient wisdom that has been so freeing in my own approach to wellbeing. Whether you’re a yogi or not, spiritual or not, this approach will give you permission to design a routine for self-care that meets the needs of you as a whole person.
The yoga model of pancha maya kosha - five layers of being - dates back to the ancient Upanishads. Pancha means five, maya means veil or illusion and kosha translates to sheath or layer. The model sees a person as a spiritual being made up of these layers that create one interrelated system. The problems - or illusions - arise, it suggests, when we attach to one layer. Wholeness and wellness come from an integration and balance of all five layers of self.
Imagine these layers like the stacking dolls, matryoshka. The koshas move from outer to inner, from the most dense to increasingly subtle layers, but, unlike the dolls, these layers are interwoven and seen as a whole.
The five koshas are:
Annamaya kosha: the physical layer (also known as the food sheath). Body and environment.
Pranamaya kosha: the energetic layer. Breath and energy state.
Manomaya kosha: the psychological layer. Thoughts, beliefs, emotions.
Vijnanamaya kosha: the wise mind or higher consciousness. Intuition, reflection, wise action.
Anandamaya kosha: the spiritual layer and essence of who you are. Connection to your bliss.
A lot of what I found in different morning routines mirrored these koshas - nutrition, cleansing, exercise, breathwork, visualisation, meditation, mindset and affirmation, priming, gratitude, prayer et al.
So far, so similar to any other modern routine. But here’s where the freedom comes in.
When you look at all of these koshas - and the various practices for each - it feels overwhelming. And that has been my experience when I’ve tried to do all the things suggested for the perfect morning routine. BUT, the kosha model sees it all as interconnected.
When your self-care attends to one layer, it benefits the whole system - the whole you. When you take 10 minutes to move and stretch your body, annamaya kosha, it benefits your energy, your mental state, your higher consciousness and your true essence. When you sit in prayer or gratitude in the morning sunlight, you benefit body, mind and soul.
“Failing” at an elaborate morning routine only lead to me feeling guilty and a tad resentful. The kosha model has given me a sense of freedom that even the smallest act of self-care to start the day is a win.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a long, leisurely practice each day, taking care of each kosha in turn, but that’s not a reality at this point in my life.
In short, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Rather than a routine, start with a moment - a me moment.
That could look like:
Moving through all the joints of your body in a round of dynamic sun salutations or the more gentle joint-freeing series.
Stretching. Like an animal on waking, consciously feel into every stretch your body asks for.
Starting the day with hot water - ushno udaka - to stimulate digestion,
Cleansing your body with tongue scraping or allowing time to go to the toilet. (Just me?)
Breathing consciously.
Finding something to bring you into the present moment: the feel of a coffee mug in your hands, noticing the steam rising, the smell. Or maybe the touch of warm blanket or cosy nightwear.
Closing your eyes for a moment to connect to your essence / faith and asking what do you want to feel, be or do this day?
Even if you had 5-minutes you could:
Stretch x1 minute.
Breathe deeply x1 minute.
Say thank you for a new day and any specific gratitudes.
Set an intention.
Notice something that brings you joy.
Freedom of the kosha framework.
The kosha model also offers variety. One morning, you might want to attend to the annamaya kosha (physical) with a gentle stretch, the next day it might be a 5-minute HIIT workout. You may sit and breathe one day and try EFT tapping (pranamaya kosha) the next. One day you’re called to meditate, the next day to journal, each equally allowing you to connect to your intuition.
It’s all part of a whole self approach. There is no right or wrong. How do you want your morning to feel today?
It also sheds a little light on habits. There is likely one kosha that is your go-to. Releasing attachment to a morning routine having to look a certain way, how might you explore a practice in another kosha?
It’s worth repeating here. In an ideal world, we’d all have ample time to eat well, hydrate, exercise, meditate, pray and do our deep work, attending to each kosha, and these would be consistent and disciplined habits. But, if, for lifestyle, responsibility or health reasons, that’s not possible, seeing self-care as holistic can bring a sense of ease.
The idea is to meet your body and mind where they are to promote regulation and wellbeing, rather than forcing yourself into a rigid routine. The framework can be adapted for different states - whether you’re feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, burned out, spaced out.
Example: A morning routine for high-functioning anxiety or overwhelm.
There are times when a 5am rise and a miracle morning is out of reach. For times of overwhelm or anxiety, of dysregulation, the kosha framework can be adapted to foster safety and calm, to help build the window of tolerance - your range in which you can tolerate stress without dysregulation. It leads with a more feminine approach of being, helping the body feel safe and grounded.
Annamaya kosha (physical body): Gentle nurturing or rhythmic movement to activate the vagus nerve. This could be a slow round of sun salutation but more likely a mindful cat-cow flow, a rocking mountain pose or a restorative yoga pose with all the props.
Pranamaya kosha (energy body): Balance the nervous system with nadi shodhana (alternate nostril breath). Slow breathing and, in particular, lengthening the exhale, helps to transition from the fight/flight state into regulation.
Manomaya kosha (psychological body): Journal on the prompt “how do I feel today?” and allow the pen to flow freely and without judgement of what arises. Set a timer and keep the pen moving. It will help to connect to your internal landscape, a practice of self-connection.
Vijnanamaya kosha (wisdom body): From a place of kindness and self-compassion, set an intention for your day. What is the kindest thing you can do for yourself today? This isn’t about tasks and stress-induced action, this is choosing conscious action that aligns with your true self.
Anandamaya kosha (bliss body): What can bring you joy in this moment? So often it’s a sensory experience: the colour of the sunlight in the sky, a cuddle with your pet or child, listening to soothing music, sipping a cup of tea. What helps you to feel a sense of peace?
Starting your day with gentle, nurturing actions, can help to give more capacity to respond to the challenges the day might bring which, over time, have a cumulative effect.
How to create your morning routine.
Designing a simple routine is about acknowledging what your body, mind and soul need.
Acknowledge where you are, right now. What is possible and realistic in the morning?
What’s your priority? What one thing could make the biggest difference to your whole self? What’s your focus for this season you’re in? (It’s not fixed).
How do you feel? You can even check in on the 5 levels of awareness: how do I feel in my body, my energy, my mind and emotions, my overall sense of self?
Jot down a few options for your me moment.
Start small, with simple practices, and ditch any temptation to make it perfect.
Beautiful writing as ever Em. I've reflected on this before, how morning routines and routines full stop can feel like a 'chore' to be overcome. Love the idea of aspiring more to the spirit of the practice rather than the practice itself. X