Rituals for self-care #10

Acceptance, conscious breaths and letting emotions flow freely. Micro practices to go with the flow this month.

I’ve had a number of work-related rejections in the last few weeks. Among them were a handful that were so far from my ideal that I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or double-rejected when they came to nothing.

There’s a whole other piece I want to write on this when I’m braver - the multiple micro-decisions that have taken my career from an upward trajectory to a place where I now doubt my professional worth - but right now the sting of rejection is embarrassing. It’s hard not to look around and think other people have it all figured out, not only comparing myself against my peers but also against my own expectations of where I imagined I’d be by the ripe old age of 45. Younger me had lofty aspirations that have been hard to live up to. 

But, then again, the desires of the younger me were far more influenced by our capitalistic culture - the career title, the salary, the home etc. Somewhere along the way I began to seek out meaning and purpose, a different set of values were added. 

So many of the spiritual teachings see attachment as the cause of suffering. Attachment - to where I think I should be professionally, financially, personally - and comparison have been the thief of my joy lately. 

This idea, known as aparigraha in yoga philosophy, is a detachment from worldly possessions, detachment from expectation and seeking, even a non-attachment to people, and it is said to bring freedom and contentment.  Easier said than done when the West Elm festive photography makes you swoon, when your home is mid-renovation and when your children’s Christmas wish-list is growing by the week. 

I feel conflicted - aparigraha doesn’t seem to be financially viable. 

But, with one quick read of/listen to the world news, that makes my heart beat faster and my breath quicken, I’m reminded that the material means nothing. 

In Traditional Chinese Medicine, different meridians are highlighted at different times of the year. The turn to autumn is linked to the lung meridian. Energetically, the lung qi (energy) is about taking in what we need and letting go of what we don’t, a continual exchange between receiving and letting go. 

Imagine holding onto the in-breath, attaching to it. Physically, of course, that would cause “suffering” after a while (though we all tried, as kids, to hold as long as possible, didn’t we?!) Instead, we let the breath go fully trusting that we’ll receive again on the next inhale. The same is true energetically. 

It’s known that every emotional state has a corresponding breath pattern - consider when you are shocked (a sharp intake of breath), or sad (short, staccato breaths) or content (an easy sigh). Ideally, the emotions flow just like the breath. When we hold onto or swallow down these feelings, they can affect the lung meridian energetically, causing imbalance. 

Emotionally, the lung meridian is about dealing with change and going with the flow of life, even emotions we’d rather not feel. Grief is the emotion of the lung. 

The invitation for November is to let go. Re-read that: what comes to mind? What have you been holding onto physically or emotionally? What attachment is causing you suffering?

I love the idea that the inhale connects us all. We all breathe the same air. It’s the same air our ancestors once breathed. When you let go, you make space to receive once again. Let go and trust. Trust you’ll receive, just like every human will do in the next few seconds and just like our ancestors did. 

While I’m still smarting with rejection, I’m letting go and trusting that the next inspir-ation will come.

Below, I share mini-practices to support your body and mind this month.

This month you’ll find me…

Practising this…

Supported Fish Pose (Matsyasana)

As you might be able to see from the image, this pose is a chest, neck and shoulder opener - including the secondary breathing muscles that are often over-used. It also stretches the intercostal muscles and stimulates lung meridian points at the front of the chest. What I particularly love about this pose is that it is a counter-posture to our usual forward (laptop/mobile phone) posture - notice what space there is to breathe as you lay here.

As always, adjust the pose for any contraindications. Click here

Using this essential oil…

Bergamot

An oil from the citrus family is a go-to for feelings of sadness or melancholy. I’ve picked bergamot as, not only is it one of my favourite scents but it’s also known as a home remedy for cough which may come in handy at this time of year! Pop a few drops in your diffuser or swap your brew for a good-quality Earl Grey tea which contains bergamot extract.

More info here

Making time for…

Conscious breathing.

A moment to consciously breathe in, breathe out can make a world of difference. You might like to give it a try right now - making sure you have space to breathe deeply into your belly and expand your ribs on the inhale, letting everything soften and let go on the exhale.

Here’s a little trick. You might like this Mindfulness Bell app here which you can set as little reminders throughout the day.

Coming up…

• Our in-person Restore gathering for November is already sold out but there are spaces for our Christmas gathering on December 10th. As an extra treat, it will include a gorgeous sound healing to accompany an extra-long savasana. You can book here

• There are still a few places left for our Reconnect To Self day retreat on Sunday 19th November that I’m co-hosting with Emma Jupp and Kat Delaney. It will be a small and initimate group and our day will include a sister circle gathering, transformational breathwork, sound healing and restorative yoga, as well as a yummy lunch and goody bag. It’s £75 per person. If you want to secure one of the remaining spaces, please get in touch by commenting below or email.