Emotional Rest with Helen Bryce
Pause the need to care-take, to people-please, to play nice just for now. I talk with Journaling Wild's Helen Bryce about how putting pen to paper can be an act of self-care and emotional rest.
“Be a good girl”. “Remember your manners”. “Don’t make a fuss”.
Any other ‘good girls’ around here? Fellow people-pleasers? When people ask you how you are, what’s your answer? I’d wager something along the lines of '“good, thanks” no matter whether things are good, bad or at breaking point.
Maybe it’s the British stiff upper lip, or maybe it’s the conditioning to be pleasant and affable. Somewhere, deep down, you fear that if you gave an honest answer (something more like, “actually things are pretty shit, right now” or “as you ask, I’m not feeling too great”), you fear the reaction.
When I lead breathwork circles, there’s the opportunity to use sound to let energy move out of the body. It’s a chance to express any emotion (energy-in-motion) whether that’s belly laughs, cries, screams of rage. It’s often the most powerful and liberating part of the practice - that’s if people allow themselves to go with it.
It can feel alien to be able to express in this way. There’s something about needing permission.
If you’re carrying the emotional load for yourself, your loved ones, maybe even some worldly worries on your shoulders, it can feel like stemming the tide of emotions that are meant to move and flow.
Today we’re exploring emotional rest.
Emotional rest is allowing yourself the freedom to authentically express your feelings, to let move anything that you’ve been stifling. How good is it sometimes to allow yourself a cleansing cry?
When the emotional load builds, it can feel like a pressure cooker - in need of a big letting-off of steam. Allowing yourself emotional rest is a practice of allowing yourself a little release, here and there.
It can look like a chat with a trusted friend, or it might mean talking to a therapist. It might be allowing yourself to cry and shout into a pillow. It could be allowing yourself to ‘wallow’ for a moment, then let it move.
Another way to allow that emotional expression is through pen and paper (or digital equivalent). I’ve invited over the talented Helen Bryce to talk emotional rest today - she’s a poet, writer and mum of four and is a cheerleader for journaling. She also runs journaling groups, campaigns with Pregnant Then Screwed and shares her words on Substack too as
. Needless to say, she’s a busy woman.In this chat below, Helen shares how journaling helped her through the early days of motherhood, how it helped unlock her creativity and how the practice can be whatever you need it to be. Enjoy the read!
Hels, please can you say hi to everyone and tell us a bit about yourself.
I’m a mum of four, a writer and poet from Manchester. I write about navigating motherhood in a patriarchal society, I run journaling workshops for women encouraging them to get sh*t down on the page and I’ve recently published my first book Motherhood Minus The Medals.
What does ‘rest’ mean to you?
Growing up I don’t think rest was necessarily encouraged, in as much as I was taught to work hard and not give up. These are both attributes that have served me well but unfortunately the negative associations with slowing down do still run deep.
I remember my mum had a good friend who she would describe as going on holiday to “just sit around by the pool reading books all day.” Her eyes would roll and thinking that I understood why this was a frivolous use of time, mine would roll too. My mum was a single parent with three kids and has always prided herself on being able to do anything, something which I admire massively. Sadly I don’t think she got much rest and therefore I didn’t see it role-modelled regularly.
In more recent years, since reading books such as Claudia Hammond’s The Art of Rest, which I really enjoyed, I’ve become far more aware of how and when I rest. Rest for me now includes going for a walk with a friend, writing, meditating, some types of play with my children (definitely not all types I must add) and reading.
I find resting properly with four young children and work and the constant jobs list really hard. I know all the benefits, I know that I am a better parent and human when I have had it but still, it often eludes me. I don’t know many parents who don’t feel this way sometimes. I try not to get too frustrated about the pieces I lack (sleep, often) because I know as a parent you have phases like this. But, I really wish I could actually go to bed earlier, as opposed to saying I will and then being distracted by a million things en route upstairs!
Please can you tell us a bit about journaling and writing for emotional release.
Oh my journal, I don’t know where I would be without it. I use it to figure out what I think, how I feel and I let a lot of stuff go via the page.
Sometimes this will be through free-writing with no particular topic in mind, a way to clear my head and tap into my creativity. Other times it will be in response to a specific something that I want/need to think through. So, I’ll feel angry about a situation and want to figure out why: where the rage is coming from and how to best cope with it. It’s not all venting though - I also write phrases, words, the start of poems in my journal and on the notes page of my phone.
It’s also a way of practising gratitude, another way I look after myself. For example, the way a certain tree looked in the sunshine or a conversation I overheard in a coffee shop - these snippets can be golden. Journaling helps me to notice these moments.
I also use my journal to set myself goals and plan my days, which is in itself an emotional release because otherwise all the ‘stuff’ just builds up and feels overwhelming.
What are the benefits of these practices?
Where do I even start with the benefits of journaling and also creative writing more generally? As well as the benefits I’ve already mentioned, it is a great tool for self-awareness, for understanding yourself and helping you to make decisions.
Writing things down can help you to articulate your feelings and I’ve found it has been useful for noticing and training my brain to talk more kindly to myself.
Then there’s the organisational side. Having clear priorities on a daily basis, logging and bringing to life your goals, creating lists of places you want to visit or films you want to watch.
And of course, there’s the opportunity for creativity. Doodling, colouring, scrapbooking.
I think journaling is a beautifully gentle way in to more creative writing too. When I’ve done sessions with my journaling crew (within my paid membership on Substack), I’ll often introduce a prompt and we’ll have a go at writing together. It’s only afterwards will we talk about the fact that we have written poetry. We often write poetically together, it is very cool.
I think sometimes journaling is seen as one particular thing but I actually think it can be whatever you want it to be AND how and why you journal can change over time. It doesn’t have to be complicated or time consuming.
When I was running a business my journal was highly structured: I had daily and weekly layouts and my goals were ticked off regularly. Nowadays it is far more likely to contain a quote I’ve read that I then doodle over a whole page or coloured in using the kids felt tips! Ultimately though, it’s just writing stuff down. There are no rules and you can’t do it wrong. It is cheap (or free) so maybe that’s why the wellness industry aren’t quite as big on it.
How did you discover this practice?
Funnily enough, and I tell this story regularly, it was through Emma. When my eldest was born (12 years ago) I was feeling a bit all over the place and Emma happened to tell me about bullet journaling. I was craving control and an outlet for how I was feeling and was immediately hooked.
I also started a blog at the same time, writing about my experiences of motherhood - this was pre-smartphones and social media and there weren’t many outlets to read/hear about real experiences of parenting. I’d always written creatively (my degree is in English) but that was the start of me sharing my words.
Over the years I then left my job in corporate HR, began my own business running workshops for mothers returning to work and eventually, during lockdown, wrote a book of poetry about motherhood. Writing has always been my true love.
Throughout all this time I wrote in a journal most days and my friends would often ask me about this notepad that I swore by so, one day, I decided to find out if others wanted to learn how to incorporate this simple practise into their lives too. I ran a course called, “Journal the shit out of life” - I guess it incorporated some of my old HR world and self-development knowledge with my passion for writing. Running the course was wonderful, truly wonderful. I’ve not stopped talking about journaling since!
What value does this bring you personally?
I’m honestly not sure how I would have survived the early days of motherhood without it. And now, it is such an important part of my life.
I journal most days. I sit on my bed, after doing the school run and before starting work, and write for about twenty minutes. Sometimes I’ll meditate too. It keeps me grounded, provides me with direction and sparks up my creativity.
Running workshops (I now do a monthly guided journaling session) I’ve been lucky to meet some brilliant women who I have learnt so much from and been so inspired by. In the journaling community we are each other’s biggest cheerleaders. And I hope they would now call themselves writers too!
I also do journaling/creative writing with my children and this brings me so much joy. It’s another avenue I’d like to explore sharing with others in future.
What is possible when women take time to rest?
Oh wow, so much. I feel really strongly that resting properly is an act of resistance. Women often take on SO much extra labour it is quite literally drowning us.
My generation (I’m in my 40’s) were taught that we could do anything, that we could have it all and compete in the workplace and still have a family and the rest. I believe wholeheartedly that we need more women in important decision-making positions - as leaders of organisations, businesses, within politics etc - but trying to do and be everything is crippling.
There is nowhere near enough support, equality in the home, fundamental structures in place for women to succeed. It is tough - we burn out and then potentially blame ourselves for not being able to do it all. But, we most definitely shouldn’t. It isn’t our fault.
We need to rest and recover and then re-write the rules.
(Ha, sorry I got on my soap box a bit there.)
But genuinely, I think taking the time to think about (and write about) our own needs can be hugely powerful. As can making time for the creativity that lies within us all, and I think creating can be hugely restful.
What would be your version of perfect rest?
Ahh perfect rest. A mixture of time spent with close friends and family who I feel completely at ease with. Laughing out loud so much it hurts. Eating really good food which you continue to graze on whilst sitting at the table for hours afterwards. A decent soundtrack. Maybe some games. A decent walk in the mountains (a challenging one) with a dip in a cold lake – a lake with the sort of scenery that blows your mind.
Then also time alone doing something creative - writing, reading something beautiful (the sort of thing where I return to line after line because it is so damn perfect), dreaming, all whilst drinking great coffee.
FANCY GIVING IT A TRY? You can join Helen for a short, 5-minute guide to journaling, including some prompts, HERE.
Helen Bryce writes on Substack as Journaling Wild and you can also find her on Instagram @nellythewriter
Let us know in the comments if you have a practice/space for emotional rest. Or if you’re now inspired to give journaling a try!